Dear Owen,
Today your oldest brother started first grade! First grade! He looks like a third grader!
I couldn't help but think you should be here, hugging him goodbye and waving bye to the bus and saying "bus, bus" like all little boys obsessed with modes of transportation.
Your sister was sure sad to see him go...
Your middle brother didn't seem too disturbed. Probably because he know he starts school in a few weeks.
Everyone has posted all week about missing their kids going off to school or being overjoyed that their kids were headed off to school. Honestly, I wish I could feel either for you. I wish I could feel something other than pure pain. Pure anguish. I am overjoyed that Connor is happy, healthy and excited to start a new year of school. Though, I hate that I have to pull his teacher aside and tell her about you and our family, so she doesn't question him or wonder when he introduces himself saying he has two brothers and a sister but one brother lives in heaven.
A dear friend who also belongs to this awful bereaved parents club sent this to me tonight. It captured all of the feelings I go through as we start another school tear.
Please, remember as you start this new year, I and many others like myself, rejoice and cry. Some only cry too because they lost their only child. Please remember Owen and any other child tht will never have a first day of any grade. Please say Owens name. It brings joy to my heart and a smile to my face. Owen lived! He existed! And he continues to exist in our lives.
Owen I love you and miss you. We all miss you.
Love you to heaven and back.
Love,
Your one and only Mom
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