Our Little Warrior Owen

This blog is dedicated to our little sunshine angel Owen. We named him Owen because it means little warrior and we knew he would have to be with two older brothers. He was our little sunshine and his heart stopped beating unexpectedly on his 5 month birthday. We are devastated by the loss of our little guy. Hopefully, this blog will give readers a sense of what a beautiful spirit he was, how he completed our family and will help to keep his memory alive. We hope this gives light into our grieving process and can help other families that suffer a similar tragic loss.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Owen sending his love

Dear Owen,

I've been looking for a sign that you are up there getting ready to celebrate the birth of your little brother or sister, our rainbow baby.

Thank you for sending this sign tonight.  We are now ready to welcome your sibling now that we know we have your blessing.

We love you more than ever.

Your one and only Mom

Monday, June 10, 2013

The countdown is on

Dear Owen,

So the countdown is officially on for the arrival of your little brother or sister.  It is so scary to say the least.  He/she is officially due June 21 but for a couple reasons, the midwives have offered to induce at 39 weeks which would be this Friday, June 14th.  Unfortunately the one midwife we have only met once and didn't really jive with, is on call Friday the 14th and Monday the 17th.  Therefore, I think we are going to wait until the 18th and induce then unless OB4 decides to join the family sooner.  He/she is already part of the family though. 

I know you will be watching over our family as we enter this new chapter as you always are but this life changing event just makes us miss you even more.  You should be here on earth to greet your little sibling.  I see the amazing bond that Liam and Connor have with each other and you and OB4 should be the younger set of siblings.  You should be plotting with OB4 in a few years on how you will overtake your older siblings to watch a kids show or break down their tent or legos. 

We are fortunate to have some good families that have gone on to have other children after loosing a child to rely on for advice and support.  That has helped a lot and given us faith we can mend this storm. 

We have officially rearranged your room and we now call it Owen and the baby's room.  We have incorporated all 4 of our children in the room which is nice.  I hope I find peace as I rock and feed OB4 in your room and know you are with us. 

Connor misses you so much.  Now that we have all the baby gear out (thanks to a lot of new stuff loaned to us from friends) he talks about you a lot.  He says you were the cutest baby ever and no baby will ever be cuter or happier than you.  I sometimes worry that he may hold a little bit of contempt towards OB4 because he was and is so protective over you.  He really wants the baby to look just like you.  I think he is at the age, 5.5, when he is really starting to grasp death but I don't think that changes the fact that he wants you back and misses your smiling face. 

Your brothers just returned from a week away in Hilton Head with my family.  Your father and I missed them so much while they were gone.  The first two days were so hard because the house was so quiet.  Though, we learned to appreciate the silence and get some things done that had been on our to do list for sometime.  The say they flew back, my heart was so overjoyed to see them again.  Though, my heart also broke.  I wish that I could see you again, that after almost 11 months, I could see your smiling face again and hold your chubby body.  Unfortunately I can't.

We all miss you, more than ever.  You have taught us so much, during your time here with us on earth and now during your time in heaven.  I am amazed at how much your brothers know about heaven, god and love through you.  You have taught me not to fear death and have taught me to appreciate every moment.  You will be with us in spirit the day your sibling arrives into this world.  I have to learn to accept that I will now have to share my love with 4 children, instead of just 3, but it doesn't mean I will love you any less.  I remember thinking on the day Liam was born that I couldn't imagine loving a child as much as I loved Connor but it happened and my love just grew as I loved both Connor and Liam.  The same thing happened when we learned we were expecting you and on the day you were born.  The same thing will happen sometime in the next week and a half, your father and I love for our children will grow. 

Your brothers on the way to Hilton Head.
Love you more than you will ever know.  You are about to be a big brother, just like Connor and Liam are already to you.  Even though you will not meet OB4 until he/she joins you in heaven, I know OB4 will know all about you and love you just as much as we all do.
Your one and only Mom