Our Little Warrior Owen

This blog is dedicated to our little sunshine angel Owen. We named him Owen because it means little warrior and we knew he would have to be with two older brothers. He was our little sunshine and his heart stopped beating unexpectedly on his 5 month birthday. We are devastated by the loss of our little guy. Hopefully, this blog will give readers a sense of what a beautiful spirit he was, how he completed our family and will help to keep his memory alive. We hope this gives light into our grieving process and can help other families that suffer a similar tragic loss.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Worst night ever

Dear Owen,

So I've been up most of the night with your sister. Not sure what's wrong.  combination of gas, swaddling and unswaddling, moving her to the pack and play from the bassinet etc.  Probably a combo of stuff. I'm exhausted needless to say.

As I sit here rocking her at 4:30am I started to think to myself "worst night ever" because I haven't gotten more than 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.  As soon as I said that in my mind I corrected myself.  There is no way this was the worst night ever. I have already lived through the worst night ever.  The night you became an angel.

That night still haunts me.  I try and remember the great times we had, the 152 days of smiles and laughs but a lot of the time my memories are clouded by my worst night ever.  I hope in time the memories of my worst night ever will erode and my memories of your chubby legs and adorable smile will surface again.

It's amazing the perspective I have grained since losing you Owen.  I'm so exhausted and know I have a day full of caring for your siblings ahead of me but I sit here for the tenth time tonight rocking your sister and thanking god for giving me one more day with her.

I wish I had one more day with you.  Even just one more minute as Liam would say.

Miss you more than ever.

Your one and only mom

Your siblings miss you more than you will ever know! Xoxoxoxo

Friday, September 6, 2013

OB3 and OB4

Dear Owen,

Ever since we learned we were expecting your biggest brother Connor and we knew it was a viable pregnancy we called him OB1. It was kinda for our last name O'Brien and him being the first born but it was also for Obi-Wan kanobi.  After Connor was born and we learned we were pregnant with your big brother Liam, we called him OB2.  Made sense to then call you OB3 when I was pregnant with you.  Finally your baby sister was called OB4.  

Well, the last few weeks I have felt you and OB4/Reilly close to each other.  I have made multiple trips to the yardley post office and it is there that I see the first memorial brick for you.  Every time I go to he post office I stop by your brick and cry.  

I feel guilt seeing your brick when I have Reilly with me.  Please know she's not a replacement.  I would give my life to have you here with us.  I have no doubt that you and Reilly have met.  She looks so much like you, especially when she's in the bath and her crazy hair is matted down.  She loves the bath just like you.

We also recently spent an afternoon at your grave planting fall flowers.  As soon as we got to your grave it started to thunder.  I knew it was you saying hi.  We were there with your newborn cousin who is three weeks younger than reilly.  Reilly was so calm the whole time we were there.  I felt like she was at peace having her three brothers near.  

Owen I miss you more than I could ever express.  Now that Reilly is smiling and laughing I'm reminded of you and your sweet spirit.  I love her so much but every day is still filled with sadness because you, her partner in crime, is not her physically.  I know you were part of blessing us with our rainbow child and I thank you for that.  

I love you to heaven and back.  I hope to see you in my dreams tonight.

Your one and only mom