So I've been up most of the night with your sister. Not sure what's wrong. combination of gas, swaddling and unswaddling, moving her to the pack and play from the bassinet etc. Probably a combo of stuff. I'm exhausted needless to say.
As I sit here rocking her at 4:30am I started to think to myself "worst night ever" because I haven't gotten more than 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep. As soon as I said that in my mind I corrected myself. There is no way this was the worst night ever. I have already lived through the worst night ever. The night you became an angel.
That night still haunts me. I try and remember the great times we had, the 152 days of smiles and laughs but a lot of the time my memories are clouded by my worst night ever. I hope in time the memories of my worst night ever will erode and my memories of your chubby legs and adorable smile will surface again.
It's amazing the perspective I have grained since losing you Owen. I'm so exhausted and know I have a day full of caring for your siblings ahead of me but I sit here for the tenth time tonight rocking your sister and thanking god for giving me one more day with her.
I wish I had one more day with you. Even just one more minute as Liam would say.
Miss you more than ever.
Love,
Your one and only mom
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