Our Little Warrior Owen

This blog is dedicated to our little sunshine angel Owen. We named him Owen because it means little warrior and we knew he would have to be with two older brothers. He was our little sunshine and his heart stopped beating unexpectedly on his 5 month birthday. We are devastated by the loss of our little guy. Hopefully, this blog will give readers a sense of what a beautiful spirit he was, how he completed our family and will help to keep his memory alive. We hope this gives light into our grieving process and can help other families that suffer a similar tragic loss.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Simple sounds

Dear Owen,

I hope you are enjoying have your great grandmother in heaven with you now.  As you know, your daddy's grandmother passed away on February 24.  She was 97 so I think it was her time to go but it is sad regardless.  Going to her funeral was very tough for me and the rest of the family.  It brought back a lot of memories of your memorial mass.  The songs, the songs, the songs.  Your daddy was a pallbearer so he was on the other side of the church but I saw him cry so hard when the entrance song was Here I am Lord.  I cried along with him.  All of the songs during the mass reminded me of you.  I was thankful that I was on Liam patrol so I had to focus on keeping him quiet instead of being so sad.  I felt your spirit as I always do.

At the wake the night before, your brothers didn't seem very interested in going up to the casket to say good bye to your great grandmother so I didn't push it.  Then, before we were leaving from the back of the room, Connor said to me "Hey Mom, there is a picture of Owen by my great grandmother.".  Sure enough I look up and someone had placed the mass card from your memorial mass in her casket.  I could not believe Connor noticed it from so far away.  He wanted to go up and look at it and did briefly.  I prayed while I was up there with him and asked Cecile to look after you in heaven until I join you one day.  This is the first person that had met you here on earth that is now with you in heaven.  I know your daddy and your uncle Matt spoke with her before she passed away and asked her to look after you.  I hope she is with you now, laughing and giggling away.

So I am sitting here right now, working from home because I have a massive cold.  I am trying to keep the office healthy since we are so busy.  Anyways, for the first time in months I hear someone mowing their lawn.  Again, the simple sound of a lawnmower just made me cry and yearn to have you here.  You were my spring baby.  We spent so many days walking around the neighborhoods, taking in the fresh air and sounds of spring.  We saw so many lawn services come and take care of people's lawns.  The sound reminds me that the time of year you were here last year is upon us.  We spent so many days outside, just you and me.  Remember the days I would put you in your exersauser or bouncy seat in the shade while I worked on the garden?  We would just enjoy the sunshine and sounds of spring.  The birds, the planes, the insects etc. I know Easter is approaching and you were with us last year for Easter.  I somehow thought this time of year would bring joy but instead I just miss you more.  I miss last year when I dressed my three boys up in their green St. Patrick's day shirts and took pictures of you all on the couch in the living room.  I am afraid to take a picture of your brothers this year without you.  I am afraid to face Easter without you.  I saw that the Lower Bucks St. Patrick's day parade is happening in two weekends.  I don't think I can bring myself to go.  Last year all 5 of us went to the parade.  Remember - it was SOOO cold out.  You slept most of the time in your stroller and then I carried you across my chest to keep you even warmer after you woke up. 

Last night as I was putting your brothers to bed, Liam grabbed hold of my phone and started to look at videos.  He found the video of you laughing with me on it that I took just a few days before your journey to heaven.  He played it over and over again.  I hope one day I can look at that video and not cry like I did last night.  Liam was SO happy looking at that video.  He just kept saying "Owen and Mommy laughing.  I miss Owen".  Owen, like I say to you every night, I don't even have the words to express how much I miss you.  Liam noticed how much I was crying and gave me one of his big bear hugs.  Then, as he was going to sleep, he came back into your daddy and I's bedroom and gave me "Owen's lovey".  This is the lovey your Nano and PopPop gave you when you were born.  Unfortunately you never got the chance to use it because I didn't give you lovies in your crib since you weren't old enough.  It has a baseball on it with a little blanket.  Since the day you went to heaven, Liam has become completely attached to your lovey.  As Liam handed me "Owen's lovey" he said "Mom, I think you should sleep with Owen's lovey tonight".  What a sweetheart.  I could NOT believe he let go of it.  He obviously saw how much I missed you and since that is his connection to you, he shared it with me to feel close to you.  I slept with that and your OWEN blanket next to me all night.

I can still hear your laugh when I sit her and think about it.  I hope that never fades.

I love you and miss you more than words could ever share.

Your one and only Mom

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