Yes, yes, I know. It is not OFFICIALLY your birthday but we are a few hours from the clock striking midnight and I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy 3rd birthday.
I sit here "trying" to work and can't take my mind off of you. We are trying to plan our "Owen Day" but it is proving more difficult this year since your sister and I came down with the flu. We are still going to try and stick to our original plan but since we are both pretty sick, not sure how it will turn out.
You should be here. You should be getting ready for preschool. We should be signing you up for your first year in YMS soccer. You should be potty trained. You should be talking up a storm and getting into trouble with your little sister and big brothers.
On this earth, I will never understand why you left us all too soon but I hope when I am reunited with you and God, I will know "his plan". You are enrolled in a study to learn more on SIDS and maybe that will one day point to why, what happened, why you stopped breathing.
I think I am finding this birthday to be harder than the 2nd. Maybe it is because I see your sister growing up and realize you are not. Maybe it is because the 3rd year has some big milestones. Maybe it is because it is further out and more and more people have forgotten and we don't have their support. Who knows. It's just hard. I hear that in grief it will ebb and flow. Well, this is one of those times I feel the pain so much.
Though, I still feel your light and your joy. You live on. You live on in each of us. You have taught me to be a better mother. I am SO much more patient with your sister than I ever was with you and your brothers. I am SO much more loving with your siblings than I was before. Before you died, I was always so concerned with how I would get everything done. Now I just sit, relax and enjoy each and every breathe we take together.
You have taught Liam and Connor to be compassionate and loving brothers. They are so gentle and protective with Reilly. They speak of you often and are proud of you. They love you more than you will ever know.
Owen, I would give anything to have you here tomorrow. To have you blow out your candles. Reilly has been building fake cakes with her legos and singing Happy Birthday to you. Your memory lives on in all of us in our hearts and in our souls. You are always with us. We will celebrate as a family tomorrow your beautiful birth.
Happy Birthday my sweet bear. You made us a party of five and you will always be our 5th family member.
Your one and only Mom
|Party of 5!|
|Never seen a cuter cuddler!|
|Your Dad holding you for the first time|