Did you ever notice what sweethearts your brothers are? Liam may come off as the comical, athletic one but he has a sweet soul, just like you. He misses you more than words can ever describe. Connor may seem to only be into video games and boys stuff but when it comes down to it, he's a mamma's boy.
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| Here is Connor admiring you on St. Paddy's Day |
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| Here is Liam checking you out on Easter - He's wondering why he isn't in the middle :) |
We all miss you. Last night as the sun was setting, we went outside to look at the beautiful colors in the sky. Connor thought you were in the pink cloud because it was so beautiful. Liam agreed. I just started balling because I missed you so much and realized that half of my heart was in that cloud too. As I held Liam and cried, Connor patted my back and told me we would be ok. I have to believe we will be but at times I don't believe it because I can't imagine continuing to wake up every day without you here.
After the sunset and I put the boys to bed and turned off the lights, Liam started to cry. I asked him why he was crying and he said "Owen is in the clouds right?". I said "Yes, Owen is up in heaven". He said "I am so scared for him because the clouds are dark now, there is no sun out now". I told him "Don't worry Liam, it is always light in heaven so Owen will never be in the dark" as I cried myself. I couldn't keep my composure and was astonished how your 2.5 year old brother was worried about you being in the dark at night.
You were my light Owen. Your smile was so contagious and any time I was having a bad day I would look at your innocent smile and smile myself. We amazingly had a very mild spring here in PA and I took you walking every day. Even if you were cranky, as soon as we got outside either in the stroller, in the ergo carrier or just being held, you calmed immediately. We spent endless warm spring days strolling the canal and looking at the beautiful flowers blooming. I took this picture one warm day in March as we strolled the canal, you sleeping against my chest.
You reminded me of what is beautiful in this world while you were here and you continue to do the same now that you are in heaven. Every time I see the sunset I think of God opening the doors to heaven for you. I hope you are playing with Weston and our other friends and family that have passed. I know there are endless people in heaven and on earth that love you.
While on our annual Gerster family reunion trip to Hilton Head in May, I took you and Liam for a walk on the beach early one morning (yes, you two are early risers!). It was before 7am and the sun was still rising on the horizon. It was so peaceful on the beach. We were the only people on the beach most of the time. Just before I turned around to head back towards our hotel, I saw a runner approaching us on the beach. He came up to us and offered Liam a beautiful conk shell he had found on the beach. Liam was so excited. I took this picture of you as Liam was enjoying listening to the waves in his new shell. I think of this picture when I think of God opening the doors of heaven for you. Your dad and I have this picture framed on the bookcase in our living room and the conk shell we were given on the beach next to it.
May you think of us in heaven when you see beautiful things just as we do here on earth and may the lights of heaven always remain on for you so you aren't scared.
I love and miss you. More and more every day.
Love,
Your one and only mom
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